[I SAW...]

So I heard we're going to have a short winter. I have no idea who came up with that bull crap but hey, it's national tradition I'll play along.

Sorry if I sound bland/pissed off/cynical this entry; I'm working on the nit-picky parts of my site, and, I was hoping I could finish all this last week but obviously I couldn't. The deadline for SOUP is creeping up without hesitation, and I'm just stressed out, that's all. But you know how much I enjoy so don't worry guys!

[HUNTING DOWN THE FINALE]
Anyway I feel like I'm chasing something in the corner, so I can beat it with a crow bar in one arm and a metal baseball bat in another, until every bone and internal organs are smeared around... (ENOUGH GRAPHIC DETAILS) with my web site. I finally FINALLY got the wanted effect in my gallery, so I just need to switch around the codes to customize it to my liking. Although if I was cornering a tiny mouse it wouldn't be too much of an issue... except, I can totally see myself screwing something up big time so a mouse might turn out to be a tiny vicious mongoose. Well, wish me luck.

Oh, and since I got couple opinions on what I should update on LJ, so I'm going to start posting more art with random rants. So here's a WIP for today :D

[SO LONG FACEBOOK]
I said I was going to leave my contact information for others, but I decided not to and delete my Face Book account.

From here on it's going to sound depressy and annoyingly dark for some and/or it's my personal rant so it's not going to be interesting even the slightest.
( Click here if you're willing to open the door to rant-tastic world. )

[ISN'T THIS ONE OF MY SHORTEST ENTRIES?]
I think so.

Really there's nothing much to update other than OMG I NEED MORE TIME IN A DAY BECAUSE I'M CRAMMING LIKE NONE OTHER BECAUSE JANUARY IS ALMOST OVER AND I HAVEN'T FINISHED EVERYTHING I NEED TO BEFORE FEBRUARY COMES AND I HAVE NO IDEA IF I CAN FINISH EVERYTHING AND THAT WOULD SUCK HARD CORE IF I CAN'T AND WHAT I AM GOING TO DO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

...I'm done :D

That sums everything up pretty good. I know I don't HAVE to finish everything but I've missed so much deadlines and such. Most of them are half way done like my web site I can pretty safely tie loose ends together but like people know Saturday + Sunday is forced to be my weekends even though I would DIE to work on those days as well. So that pretty much sums everything up the end of January. Monday would be my cramming for finishing SOUP chapter 1 day so good luck! Tomorrow and bit of Saturday is going to be one hell of a battle field.

[LOSS TIME]
Unfortunately, I'm doing horrible with keeping my due dates than EVER BEFORE. Yet I'm working so hard though?! How is this possible?!?
Actually, I know exactly what my cause of this is; it's because I'm experimenting a new way of coloring my works and that's ONE of the causes. Another reason is that I've been just drawing really freakin slow. I have no idea why, but I am and it's frustrating me to no ends. Also my ADD is seriously causing me some major lack of concentration. AGAIN.
I switch between 3 images, doodles, web page coding, watching nico nico videos, and listening to music in a random order, each lasting only up to 5 min to 30 min.

If anyone can teach me how to lengthen my attention span, PLEASE DO. I'm in need of desperate help @__@

[TALKING ABOUT WEBSITE CODING]
Even there is NOTHING major on yet, there's a BETA version of the long awaited official site of Sires R. Black. I think this site has been thrown to the corner to collect dust for about two to three years... yea I feel pretty bad for leaving it to the side for a long time. But finally because I have stuffs to update it regularly I think it'll benefit me more than ever so, hello new site.

→ STUDIO BLACKSTARR513 WEBSITE ←

By the way, Chris already pointed out, but I DID include a lot of elements that would make you unstable visually. I haven't got everything coded and effective yet, but have fun.

[RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS]
So I was wondering... does anyone have anything that you expect from my LJ entries? I mean I have a good number of watchers, and I'm assuming these entries pop up in your friends list. I get comments pretty often so I want to ask what you want to read.

Do you want to read more of my daily life's rants? More doodle cubes? More drawing process tips or WIP screen shots? Reviews? I want suggestions! :D

[NOTHING MUCH TO SAY]
Just been drawing my life away AS USUAL!! :D

So far I've been doing pretty bad with my new year's resolution -__- as you have expected me missing out last week's update. You haven't missed much because I've been just busy trying to meet my deadlines... after deadlines and deadlines and YYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR @__@

Naw don't worry I haven't driven my self crazy (yet) and I'm trying new things with my art. Also FINALLY after all this time blackstarr513.com could see the light of day soon. The main site should be up this weekend so I'm actually pretty excited :D Mostly because the coding is going better than usual. Simple and short enough coding and it's very customizable... I am PROUD XD

Here's my doodle for the day. It was inspired by this:

Please ENJOY your pocky.

[NOTHING REALLY NEW TO UPDATE]
Because nothing big has happened yet. I have a list posted in front of me with everything I need to do within January so my life will be basically me crossing them out for now. I was supposed to clean my room before last year ended but ending up not so yea. I'm following the western tradition of "spring cleaning" this year. If that fails then I guess it can wait until this winter. Haha as you can see I HATE cleaning my room. I have nothing growing or culturing in here (yet). Furthermore, I have this weird feeling that this year would go by really fast so spring and winter would probably come real fast for me.

[FIRST DOODLE CUBE OF THE YEAR]
I try not to rant on DA, but I do end up doing it anyway. However, I didn't this time so LJ will become its victim.

First off, I still hate how I color!! I am in dire need of light and shadow coloring skills. Probably, the lack of contrast I still tend to have, unless I'm using dark colors like his pants! I know they're called Hakamas but they're basically Japanese pants anyway so shut up. His pants is my favorite part of this piece! Hair being the worst. Oh well, I have my whole life ahead of me to improve. Again, EVENTUALLY I'll get there. Furthermore, I tried making him look Asian... did it work?

[WELCOME BACK?]

As some of you already know I didn't make it into M.I.C.C. :D

...tee hee? Actually, I feel really bad for those who had confidence in me and wishing me all the luck. I feel like I let you all down. I'm sorry I'll try again next year!! That way I'll have more confidence in drawing comic pages anyway because I'll be finishing up the last bit of You're Not Alone and starting up SOUP. Yes, it'll be online as a web comic so as soon as I get the site design all done I'll definitely alert it here for you all!

[LOOKING BACK 2009]
Not to sound bitchy... I really can't find anything that stood out remarkably "good" ;;>__>
I was sad when I had to move out Binni's house, then I did a lot of uncomfortable phone calls, dad getting in a car accident, OH my mom*'s car was taken hostage, and we abandoned it for cha-chings. I failed entering in 3 contests I wanted to enter in total, and I couldn't go to Japan this year so yea; roller coaster ride of ass pain. OH but I finished playing LSD and Yume Nikki. BOTH games had been annoying yet amazing, mentally scarring endings not to spoil anything. I guess my drawings improved a bit? I know my main goal is for my works now so all is good right?

[TO THE FUTURE AND BEYOND!]
It is to improve my time management skills, AND to draw as much as possible, I'll try for the third time to enter in M.I.C.C. and get over my anxiety and move on. Order to get over my anxiety, I need to get more confidence, to do THAT, I need to PRACTICE!!

So I'm going to play a little game with myself this year... I'm putting due dates on EVERYTHING. And if I miss one I'll owe myself a dollar every day it's missed. I have a pretty vase, I can keep all my failures in so hope I won't make myself rich at the end of this year.

I already have a bunch of plans for this WHOLE year already, so once my site's done I'll put my google calendar on my site so you can keep a live update on what's going on P:

*LOL-tastic edit. Wow how the hell did I not type that in?! 

[AND I REQUEST A REFUND]
It's official now. I'm not the biggest fan of supernatural phenomenas but now I believe in everything in this world needs to co-exist with the opposite counter part.

I am VERY lucky to be blessed and gifted with creativity and able to come up with may-be-unpractical but new ideas. Especially fictional stories. I don't think I'm the best, but I am confident I can make up pretty entertaining stories and I'm proud of it. Except everything good comes with everything bad and my "bad" payment for this is that I CAN'T CREATE ANY STORIES WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER BEING MY FAVORITE CHARACTER.

What about Verardi Famiglia you say? Well I don't DISLIKE Vincenzo Verardi the 4th... but he is definitely NOT my favorite at ALL. He's fun to draw and a cool character to lead the story with but I had to give him some time to grow on me. I used to pretty much dislike him (not as much as Val) when I first started writing VF. For me, Verardi the 3rd is HANDS DOWN my most favorite character. Other favorites are Raniero, and Cecilio... and the hacker and the chef I've never mentioned before. NONE OF THEM works as the main character nor main character worthy!

[UPDATES AND SOME MORE ANGST]
I was complaining about the whole favorite character things because of the comic I'm working on for Morning International Manga Competition. I was totally going to keep my old rough draft from a year ago but of course I just had to let my beta readers read it. The one opinion that stood out was "the main character didn't make sense". Meaning that the main character was unbelievable and unrealistic because he really didn't have much reason to believe in Doppelgängers other than peer pressure? Even then we was believed in them too much and reacted TOO extremely for his situation. I re-wrote the story like TWICE to make sure he had a reason and then I got stuck multiple times before I realized the freakin main character just didn't work! His personality, his life, and how he thinks prevents the story from being good in every sense.


Unfortunately I liked this character... a LOT. Personality wise, looks wise, pretty much everything about the original main character was likeable for me. He was definitely a cool guy to hang out and optimistic enough but not too much for him to be bubbly happy. But obviously those kind of people are VERY hard to convince that something like Doppelgängers even exist and it takes much more pages and unnecessary dialogs and monologues which makes the climax hasty and rushed.


To fix this I finally scrapped the original character idea and made a completely different guy to be in his spot... someone who can't be content with what he has already, ambitious to be accepted and succeed but in massive stress because everything he does seem to go the wrong way for him, and emotionally unstable because he's an extremist. Or putting it simply someone that I would go up to and say "get some balls" and kick him in the groins. But it ANNOYS me because he's so much more prone to cause what it should happen in the storyline, and makes so much sense for him to take extreme actions! Also because of this new character it made the story so much more creepier than it did before and rightfully placed "You're Not Alone" in the horror/mystery category like it should be. DAMN!!

I think the only story I have with the main character being my favorite character is "Absolute Eschatology" and "Acid Rain". Actually scratch out "Acid Rain" because I don't really care for the main character and she's my favorite just because there's no likeable character in the story other than her. Zii-Lei from "Absolute Eschatology" is a beautiful character though :D He is so messed up but something about him is so loveable and motivated to do things right without being arrogant or crazy LOVE that kid.

ANYWAYZ. I made sure the new character design slightly resembles the original and he appears in the comic as a cameo so hopefully in the future he can have a major role in something else. Until the time, so long!

[DEATH OF MY BEST FRIEND]
NOT a person.
It's my mechanical pencil I think I told people about... the one I used it all through high school 'til now. That pencil was amazing... STAEDTLER Professional Technical Graphing mechanical pencil 0.3mm at least 3 to 4 model generations older than what they currently make. I think I bought it RIGHT before they cancelled it too. I consider my self being pretty un-nostalgic but to think MOST of my drawings I kept and have in my portfolio were sketched/drawn with this pencil and even worse, to look back at all my original VF pages were drawn with it... I truly think it has part of my soul embedded in it.

But now it's beyond repairable since the spring that makes the lead come out is either rusted or too old and the metal clasp to hold the lead in place is so loose it either breaks the lead or slips while I'm drawing. It wouldn't be THAT much of a trouble if I use a harder 0.3 lead but since my favorite is the freakin 2B 0.3 lead any kind of mechanical flaws would snap the lead instantly. Also that thing has so much pieces missing it's funny. So it joined my other mechanical pencil I used all through middle school which I drew the oldest illustration in my portfolio with which I BIT THE HELL OUT OF and made the weight balance went totally screwy and I couldn't draw with anymore. Now I'm using a Pentel pencil, my back-up pencil until I find another one that suits me. The pentel one is the closest fit to my hands except the balance is a tad bit off and it's too light weight for my liking. Although the thickness is helping my fingers with the grip.

Since I'm working on this contest and seriously looking into being a professional comic/manga artist I guess it's a good timing for me to move on to the next step... and I'm TRYING to accept this change as a symbol for the next big challenge but it's really really REALLY hard for me to adjust the tool I've been using EVERY day for over 8 years now. I'll miss it.

[HERE'S MY ABSENCE NOTICE, TEACHER]
With forged signature and without a doctor's note.

I'm forced to stop updating until I'm done with "You're Not Alone". I'd love to keep on posting but life is already forcing me to not work on it at least 3 days every week so I really need to spend the rest in drawing the pages so I can send it off asap. I wish I don't have to... but people just can't accept me working on art and refuse to understand my passion and love to be obsessed with what I dedicate my life to.

Thinking back, my life is all about other people preventing me from drawing <__<;;;
But the stress caused by that struggle has produced MANY good stories since the stories are all my escape routes from reality so like I said earlier; everything that exists needs to have it's opposite counterpart. 
Hopefully if I succeed in my art career enough people will WANT me to draw as much as possible and that would be THE BEST thing that could happen to me. 

I'll be back around mid December so I'll see you all then!

[EVEN IF I NEVER OWNED GB ADVANCE]
I was not into games at the exact time. I have everything else even the bulky first generation GB!

Anyways after posting [THIS ARTICLE] on my two different styles and mentioning it on my [DEVIANT ART POST], I got some insightful replies and messages on it I just had to rant about it a little more. I mean, people paid MORE attention to my styles than the person who actually DRAWS them... WAY TO BE FAIL SELF!!! So to regain my rightful status of being THE artist I paid attention to the REAL differences between VF style and DM style.

First off I didn't explain clearly WHY VF style became my primary style. Answer is simple:

Because VF style is much more difficult to express expressions, it made me become more expressive when I'm in my sketching phase even if I'm drawing in DM style. Since it's what I draw initially, it just naturally became my default. Even if I've been practicing and developing DM style ever since I got interested in drawing. If the two styles were humans of the same sex... it would make one hell of a drama-tastic romance story.
Is my sketches always this colorful? YES. I usually use about minimum 3 layers of sketch before even considering inking. Because I color Vince's hair in flat black, I only need to know the general direction of the hair/air so I purposely left that out FYI.


Here's VF style Vince; all familiar and friendly(?)...



And I kid you not it's the same Vince, just in DM style. You don't see those band-aid eyebrows anywhere.

As you can see, DM style is MUCH more easier to draw facial expressions and angles just because of those stupid eye balls! Because of it I try to make everything more realistic and try to make the lines thinner accordingly. I just don't have to exaggerate features on this so the hair doesn't defy gravity (as obviously).

Now with the VF style, the lines are MUCH more bold and pronounced to fit the simplicity and lack of delicacy in the eyes. The white-out side against the black shadows needs to be placed a bit higher and curved more to express that joyful arrogance, and to really let the viewers know he's looking down at you, the lower eye lid must be drawn in or else he'll just look like he's facing straight forward. The chin/jaw line needs to be thicker for the shadow effect and eye shape needed to be modified and made larger for more impact. Without the actual eye the focal point becomes lost so I need to really make them stand out. To show he's tilting his head back a bit TO look down at the camera I ignore gravity and let the hair act like a movement/direction line. By making majority of the bangs flow towards a certain way it makes a subtle movement to the head that suggests it's titING back even if it's a still, and it naturally creates a eye flow towards the face/eye area. When really the hair SHOULD be flowing like it's in the DM style. Also the mouth is another area that needs to be exaggerated to show the EVIL in the smile. The emotions are expressed usually by the dilation of the pupil/iris and quite obviously VF style doesn't have the benefit. Facial wrinkles and creases are HIGHLY looked down upon human forms in art (the reason why I despise realistic 3D human models... unless you go Blizzard/Lucas quality you just don't have enough on faces... the one thing I absolutely DESPISED about FFVII Advent Children) but in VF style I am forced to use them for expressions and for age. In the story line of Verardi Famiglia he's mostly 21 ~ 23 range and because I make the eyes larger than it's supposed to be he looks younger automatically. To counter or buffer the effect I need to add wrinkles in places or else he'd look like late teens easily. I completely ignored this effect when I first using this style thus he looks WAY younger than he really was.

[IN THE END]
So here you are, the more OBVIOUS comparison and more in-depth description between the styles. It came out more like "how much thought and effort you need to put it when you don't have eye balls" description than anything else. When there is so much thought process involved, why haven't I noticed the pretty obvious differences you ask? Well, because I never draw a same character with different styles! Vince will stay in VF style, and other characters used in DM style, stays in DM except for maybe special occasions like these. But I do thank people who pointed out the differences for me to be curious enough to find them out my self.

Thank you for reading!

[SNEAK PEEK AT THE UPCOMING WEB COMIC]
Little commercial break :D
For those who don't know yet, I'm currently in the process of producing a new web comic series called "SOUP". I'm still looking for a publisher and what not to get a printed comic book series so mostly I'm doing this to kill time while I get to practice sequential arts. The real reason is to distract me from working on Verardi. Seriously! I let my self draw several illustrations of Vince, and I've been just itching, jumping-around-the-padded-room CRAZY to work on VF. Also one of my best memories of High School IS when i was working on VF, or more on a web comic so... yea just sratch out the first reasoning. I just work on a web comic.



Since I'm not expecting this to be published in any way shape or form out of the web form, I'm making this the most disturbing, mixed message, mixed emotion and heart twisting roller coaster ride in comic page form. Genre is mostly likely to be "brain fuck" since I'm planning on raping people's sense of reality like none other. Ok, I'm exaggerating a bit there ^^; but you can expect to be weirded out at least a bit. Somewhat horror, somewhat social commentary, I HOPE I can entertain those who are looking for something unusual. Sorry no teenage vampires (I just lost a whole chunk of audiences there didn't I)

The story is simple; this kind lady, Amelia, hosts a dinner on Mondays for a bowl of soup. The guests "talk" about their troubles and worries, fears, love, and life and Amelia shall show them the way to "fix" their issues. Sounds very happy peaceful doesn't it >D

It'll be on the web starting Monday, January 8th. 2 pages per week every Monday. Black and white, western standard pages (left to right). I'll post more updates as time closes in!

[BIRTHDAY WISHEZ]
To Meagan, Beth and Kitala.
Sorry I bunched up all of your birthday wishez into this small bunch, but I'm glad you can make it this far and I wish you the greatest luck you can make it until your next birthday...

Ok seriously self, from now on just say HAPPY BIRTHDAY and nothing else!! Your birthday wishes make people depressed, it's cynical and just plain WRONG for a happy day. D<

But honest to goodness I AM happy for you all!

[I WAS DOING SO WELL]
I knew sometime soon I was going to slack off on my schedule and I did so today -__-
My excuse this time is that I didn't really know what to write about after what happened last post and even worse I got a disappointing reply back from said friend who was supporting it and the original personnel who sent me the boycott message in the first place. Apparently I wasn't supposed to "openly" post this matter so my method of sharing my ideas out pissed him off, so I had to deal with that and it's just... I PERSONALLY think there is MUCH more, important, serious issues out there that must be discussed and be pissed at than what can a historical parody can do so I'm dropping this whole discussion.

To those who love APH, LOVE IT, LOVE ON, LOVE IT GOOD.

To those who dislike APH, leave the people who love APH alone. I'm sure someone out there thinks what you like sucks too. Nothing is appreciated by everyone, it's how the world works, try enjoying life.

[MORE EXCUSES!]
I was working on sketches of Verardi Famiglia. DON'T BE EXCITED! I'm not even CLOSE to presenting it to the public, and I was only jotting down ideas that I didn't want to lose, and it was easier for me to just work on the page-layout form and...yeaaaaaa I spent like 4 hours on it ^^; God I LOVE working on Verardi!!! I sketched out the short flash back scene explaining why Vince has that band-aid on his right eyebrow; which I'm sure a lot of you are dieing to know. I even half-assedly started on re-drawing chapter 0 that was online and it felt GREAT to see obvious improvements on my works. So midnight came and went working on something I won't be working on for a while. I'm planning on finishing the birth day pic for Kitala on Dev Art later today and hope to get a good chunk of the art trade I'm doing with Christy (artist and writer of RE:PLAY... I'm drawing her original characters and she's going to draw OMFG VINCE for me. Totally flippin EXCITED) done by the end of the day. After that should make time for me on Thursday to finish up "You're Not Alone" page layouts so I can have it beta tested before seriously working on the manga contest. Since I'm starting the pages TWO WHOLE MONTHS early I am ready for ANY obstacles the world might throw at me like last time! Bring it on!!

OH and my mother won't be around until the 9th of November so that allows me to really concentrate on the early stages which is AMAZING. Oh talking about my mother:

[BURN BABY BURN]


It was amusing. You really can't go against your core DNA blue prints can you?
By the way my grand father is even more of a pyromaniac than my mother. I'm the explosive pyro, he's the loves-to-handle-with-flames pyro who burns his own flammable garbages even if it's strictly forbidden to do so. Apparently controlling the fires like it's a wild animal and taming it is the fun part to him. I laugh at them for calling ME crazy... I wonder where I got them from.

[CAN'T ANYONE BOYCOTT ON SOMETHING... SAY IMPORTANT?]
Here is the copy of the boycott notice currently underway against APH I received recently from my friend on Deviant Art. I LOLed.
( READ MORE... )

[MY OPINIONS SHALL BE HEARD]
I have had my share of anti-APH. You can read MY reasons I'm not too fond of this fandom HERE IN THIS ENTRY. I still think there is a LOT of things "wrong" about APH that I'm not fond with... but isn't that true to ALL fandoms out there?! I think there's better examples with "cheap swindle" than APH can possibly hope for. EVERY fan art goes through what is stated here and it's not just within the realm of APH at all. Look at Naruto, Harry Potter, Twilight... just go to the passage above and replace it with ANY top-of-the-hype fandom and it's all true. Especially the "a great majority of others make disgraceful and downright insulting contributions" part... have anyone SEEN (or even involved) with what WATCHMEN or STAR TREK has to deal with?! They are both deep, insightful, sometimes historical, political, and noble piece of works and the slash pairings and the sex, the fangirl drools over them and make them into trash for their own pleasure. The irony here is that the APH fandom is the most RESPECTFUL from what I've seen.

Fan arts and fan comics (doujinshi), art compilations are sold with any official regulations and copyrights CONSTANTLY and with ANY fandom. You there, don't you dare say it's only in Japanese anime and manga. It's not anything new from the foreign lands! People even professionally write with other characters storyline and characters or now called "fan fic" before... oh with say STAR WARS, MARVEL COMICS, anything! Why does batman fan arts or street fighter fan arts be sold as artbook compilations and not APH? It's the same thing. If you want to say APH isn't a legitimate project... well it started out as an web comic, now officially published, has a running anime show, and even made into a movie. How is that NOT a legitimate project?

Oh and don't get me started on people wanting to make fast buck and fame out of fan arts!! WHO THE FUCK TO YOU THINK THAT MAKES THESE PEOPLE POPULAR?! WHO THE HELL IS MAKING THEM GET THAT FAST BUCK OFF OF POPULARITY HYPE?! It's those who's paying attention and giving them money, no?! This whole society is filled with people who just likes what's popular out there, doesn't care about quality and meanings in people's works, and forces people to BE careless other than their own financial welfare, and, most cases for YOUR, THE VIEWERS AND THE CONSUMER'S ENTERTAINMENT. Everyone wants fame and attention, EVERYONE wants to be part of something and feel important within the group. It's human nature. If you think that's wrong, then boycott every human existing. Boycott every fan art and pay attention any original artworks until it develops into a story and becomes famous, then you can boycott that too. YOU the people are forcing new artists to get even the slightest spotlight by drawing what's familiar to the mass to even START an art career. Some will stay being an fan artist because that's the only way they can be accepted, and being encouraged to draw fanart. If a kid gets complimented by the parents on what a good job he/she did... the kid wants to do more or better with what the kid got praised for. Now replace the kid with an artist and parents as audiences. ALL of my top-viewed artworks are ALL fan arts. Most people WILL feel silly to even draw anything original how ridiculous it is.

SO DON'T BLAME APH ALONE. Like I said earlier I think APH gets much more respect than other fandoms out there. Why? Because us FANS make that fandom actually work. The official story line is pretty shallow, and I know the guy who draws them don't really give too much research into the countries. Don't blame him though! He doesn't have a huge research group to support him. The research group is us fans of APH now. WE contribute to people with using familiar faces to teach each other new discoveries on countries culture, history, and language.

Talking about languages, people speak differently with groups ALL the time. With them, YAOI and pretty boys having sex is part of how they communicate appreciation, acceptance, and human bondings. Everything's BEEN that shallow. I mean look at fairy tales that you claim to be "deep and insightful". No one but the beautiful princess gets to have true love and a happy ending. No matter how kind and smart you were, if you were ugly, you get to fuck off and not be in the storyline. APH is directed towards the specific people who talks in this language to be even remotely interested in different cultures and different types of people around the world AND IT DID A FANTASTIC JOB WITH IT. Yea sometimes the stereotypes are wrong and the characters have no distinction between them as a design but I know other artists that CAN. The original creator, intentionally or not, has given the responsibility to the fans to make it better amongst them. If they draw fan arts of the characters and tries to sell them, they give a damn about researching what they draw MUCH MORE than any other fandoms out there who just draws what it's already drawn out for them in their style. I'd be more willing to pay THEM than anyone else.

I also give a bold middle finger at the "APH is currently under heavy scorn from well respected artists, writers, scholars, and historians, and is in many ways doomed for mass failure and rebuke." I've never seen an official article from a well respected scholars/historians saying such thing, and if they do they are elitists who ignore the countless say NEWSPAPER CARTOONS WHO MAKES FUN OF OTHER COUNTRIES MUCH MORE THAN APH EVER DID?! And I find a LOT of war propaganda FAR more insulting than two countries fucking each other. They use the lost lives to stir up a revolt and political movement for warfare profit. Isn't that much more serious than fictional story and characters?

EVERY SINGLE COUNTRY has to go through conflicts and wars. We as an individual goes through it in our daily lives. Us individuals murder each other constantly and we make references to rape victims by drawing rape fantasy porn comics. We write stories that references historical war with humor in comedy, and hitler gets to have his own funny broadway. How come they are being accepted when fans of trying to spread world peace is getting bashed? The countries in APH, no matter how much bloody wars and conflicts they've been through, still interact with each other, in what good friends do; insulting each other but it's a good joke amongst them. They might be out of context, but I think how they're interacting is how we want the world to be. No matter the past they want them to love each other and care about each other through pairings. I mean have you ever seen a fandom where technically EVERY CHARACTER CAN HOOK UP WITH ANY OTHER CHARACTER?! It might be uncomfortable to some but isn't that our way of saying we're sick and tired of the depressing conflicts around the world? tensions along borders?!

Discussions are HIGHLY appreciated.

[WHAT THE HELL IS "BLACKSTARR513"]
It's a name for Sires R. Black aka Evil Apple's trademark/logo/identity/brand. Of course it's official and has an actual PAID copyright on it (OMG I DIDN'T CHEAT OUT THIS TIME?! OMG I DIDN'T!!) but not the logo. That's only trade marked because I know for sure I'll have more than the one I have at the moment so might as well not pay for ALL of the ideas I come up with you know? This is the reason why I can't have a tattoo.

Anyways PLENTY of people asked me the meaning behind this name because EVERYTHING HAS TO HAVE DOUBLE, TRIPLE, QUADRUPLE MEANINGS to everything I come up with. I'm sure that's why people even asked. It won't be me if I just said because it sounded cool.

[HISTORY BOOK PAGE #513]
Before I reveal what's behind the curtain, I thought it'll be interesting to see how much my logo changes over time:( CLICK HERE TO GO ON THE TOUR... )
[BREAKDOWN OF THE NAME]
It's easier to list the reasons than really explaining so here it is!

BLACKSTARR-

• Star that shines with light not visible to the human eye in the dark sky but the fact that it's there never changes.
• Dark colored star that can be chosen to be seen depending on if it wants to be in a dark or light environment.
• Black is my favorite color.
• Stars reminds me of throwing stars. They can be sharp and shiny. And deadly with precision.
• Extra "r" is just for show, the meaningless extra we put on ourselves to pretend you can hope to be extraordinary.
• Being superficial with the shape of the triangle/pyramid and the pentacle. Both are commonly used as balance, stability, and chaos.

513-

• 5 for the fifth day of the week, 13th, so "friday the thirteenth" for a good luck jinx.
• 1, 3, and 5 are my favorite numbers.
• Stars have 5 sides. Goes with the rest of the name.
• 5 also represents "life" in the Japanese language and it's the main focal point in my art/stories.
• 1 stands for the best, and the only one, individuality, special, and the beginning.
• 3 is just a lucky number, and reoccurs in my life constantly. I wanted to add the number 4 but decided not to just so there were only 3 digits.
• 3 is also a very important number in any math related object/theories, and the reason I chose the "star" since it contains 5 pyramids, with 1 pentagon. The star it self is the symbol of "513".
• All three or 513 it self is an odd number for "nothing is fair in this universe, but being odd is what stabilizes the world".
• 3 is a magic number in the art world.
• 5 & (1+3) = 54 and switch the two numbers to get 45. 45 degrees is the magic degree of beauty.
• 1+3 = 4. 4 is also known/read as "death" in Japan and because of that they don't have traditional holidays on April. It's also said that Buddha was born in April to become god or to save the world that even the gods abandoned... My hopes and dreams that I want to change and cherish this god-abandoned world that we live in.
• 54 also my love for irony, placing life and death right beside each other to symbolize they both need to exist to have the other.
• ALSO 5th of April is my birth day which I am absolutely in LOVE to be born on this specific day for the above reason.
• 4 is the side of the perfect square which I finally incorporated in the new logo design.
• 5+1 = 6, or the 6 sides of a dice/cube. The dice for me is the symbol of chances.
• 5+1+3 = 9. 9 is the number for "suffering" and "pain" in the japanese language and it's my determination to go through any obstacles I need to go through to do what I think is right.
• 5+3 = 8. 8 sideways is infinite, for "infinite possibilities"
• 8 is also my life number in numerology, which I don't believe in, but it's a cool thought that everything can be explained in math.
• All the numbers I mentioned are related to the Kaballah's Sephirots. I chose the ones that means to me the most, and I did so to respect the imaginations and thoughts our ancestors used to understand the world using myths, automatically symbolizing my respect towards human history and philosophy, the development of your culture and reminder to my self that we are still developing as a human, individually and as an society.

That's ALL I can remember since I came up with "BlackStarr" in middle school and "513" in high school. I know I did more in-depth research with numbers and this actually was triggered when we were learning proofs in math class. I'm sure some people would be surprised how superficial some of the description sounded like... coming out from a science loving atheist WTF?!

But atheism, is just as superficial as having an religeon. Us humans have much more to learn and I appreciate the fact that we WANT to know what's out there. The curiosity, the will to think outside the box to want to figure out how things work is what I think the most valuable trait in humans. You can't cut open a path to a certain direction unless you already have a base ground to cut the path on, which I think is what our ancestors did with myths and stories. It's our mission to prove the ground we stand on right or wrong, and pass it on to the next generation and that generation should prove us wrong or right, continue. That's what we do in the genetic level, and us humans are gifted as such things as the outer most layer of our brain to do so in the thought level. 

I want others to prove me wrong or right with my thoughts and understandings. I want others to know what I think and my valuable ideas to spread to the world and to the future. Not for the sake of my self nor others. Sorry guys but I have NO hope for humanity as it is, but there is always a possibility for everything and anything until proven otherwise. For that meaningless possibility, I want to create towards my death. Even I'm just one of the stars out there in the galaxy, and it may be too far for some of us to see, I'm still amongst the countless stars that can see me, being effected by the gravitational pulls and chemical reactions of others and never alone. To those that matters and to those that care to look, it's there and it exists. Humans are nothing different than the galaxy or the molecules. We need everything and everything to live and to die.

I condensed all those thoughts in the simplest form of "BlackStarr513".  

[BEING RICH AND POOR AT THE SAME TIME]


You CAN eat out and get a stomach full of Olive Garden. But no, you decide to spend it on ridiculously overpriced text books and classes you're poor now! What you do have in the kitchen that you can cook for yourself while finishing essays and research papers?

Answer: INSTANT RAMEN NOODLES

If you're a student and don't have them somewhere in your property holders... you're NOT a student. Or you're just a spoiled student. Most of us need to learn to love this easy-to-make, no brain dish for a quick fix for our hunger. Of course it's a treasured technology for people who practice laziness like a religion like me. Everyone else is a exception.
They're cheap, and yea, it's not the healthiest food out there but they don't take that bad at all.

Unfortunately when you have to live with them so often their rather bland taste gets blander. I want to share with people the magical ingredients that can turn in into a first class, five star instant ramen noodles. Trust me, when I tried these out it made some actual professional chef made ramen noodles very unattractive.

[PICK YOUR FLAVOR OF THE WEEK]
Make your own favorite flavor instant ramen and add these after that dreadful 3 minute waiting game. I've tested these with Maruchan Cup Noodles (the boxed packs were on sale on Aldi's) Chicken flavor which I think it's their best. From the easily obtainable list. Double the amount for stove tops.

      SOY SAUCE ASIAN KICK
          + 1 tbsp Soy Sauce
          + 3 tbsp Tsuyu Udon Soup Base

      SPICY CHINA
          + 1 tbsp Goma Abura (toasted sesame oil)
          + 1 tsp Ra-yu (chili-infused vegetable oil)
          + x amount of cajun powder

      MID WAY BETWEEN EAST AND WEST
          + 1 tbsp olive oil
          + 1 tbsp butter
          + 1 tsp soy sauce
          + pepper and salt


Post your own recipes you've found or just tell me if you liked these or not :P
Trust me, you'd be amazed how you can add a little effort and turn something delicious!

[REMEMBER]
Acceptance and good food leads to world peace ☮

[MAIN TITLE IS A BIT MISLEADING]
Beware. Happy 13th!

[ORGANIZATION AND CLARIFICATION]
If anyone bothers to look on the tag list I have, I changed around things quite a bit. The reason for the sudden organizing is that I want to finally get into... routine. I think it'll help me with my future and I read a very insightful article on Behance Network about organization and how creativity driven people can use it for their benefit. I updated my profile too, for a constant notice but from now on:

"Records of World Damnation"
Sires Black's Online Journal

UPDATED EVERY TUESDAYS AND FRIDAYS
with random rants, findings, essays, personal reviews, comics and pieces of her life
all while trying to take over the world!

So I made sure the tags are all understandable and useful for a long time. If you find ANYTHING you want this grammar-stupid to write about, read more of, or interesting/funny things you find online, comment or message me ANY time. Thursdays are my reply to comments and message days so if you don't get a reply real soon the chances are I read them and waiting until the last minute to reply. I love reading comments so please do so without hesitation!

[VF STYLE vs DEMO STYLE]
Yes I finally named two of my main styles. FINALLY. From now on I'll reference them as these. Since today is a GREAT day to start my articles(?) I decided to cover a pretty essential part of my art career. I think I'm one of the rare artists to have two different styles used both at the same time (not including realistic) and used very randomly so I wanted to just rant about it here.

VF STYLE is taken from the title "Verardi Famiglia" since this style was first used and only used whithin this web comic. It eventually went beyond it's borders and finally became my default style. I was going to put a better title but I found out it was too late. Heavily influenced by Jamie Hewlett's "Gorillaz" style and Tim Burton characters, the eyes are colored pitch black or white. Without the distraction of the eyes, the expressions are purely dependant on how I express the images with facial movements, angles and colors. ( continue reading... )

[THE SEPARATE ENTITIES]
My good friend mentioned a good point; why not keeping a style and sticking to one?
I've been contemplating that ever since VF style was in effective. Hell I was even planning on not using the style out side of "Verardi Famiglia". It really does make my art unstable in it's own way and I won't have a set trade mark.
But I realized, both styles represents my self. If you don't know me in person you'd be amused how much fun I have with just arguing with my self and debate about things. I have two pretty polar opposite "sides" that likes different things. So embracing both styles is like embracing my self as it is. So I have finally made the decision to trash the possibility of picking one style to stick with. Also it CAN be a benefit to have different styles. Now, it's up to me to choose wisely which to use when. The hardest part!

[SO WHAT KIND OF EXCUSES DO YOU HAVE THIS TIME EH?]
Stop talking to me subject title.

Anywayz I am finally back after... a bit over three months? of my absence. In internet time I should be dead by now but here I am, hoping to be back into business with updates and hope to start posting regularly once again! But since I'm covering three whole months of full of holes, a lot of the entry's will be under LJ-cut. For reader's convenience (aren't I NICE?!) I ended up summarizing a bit for each section so if you'd like to read something that sparks your interest, I am more than honored :D

↑ OLDEST NEWS · NEWST NEWS ↓

[ESCAPE TO THE WILDERNESS]
With more people than I usually see every day! The irony! I enjoyed the little vacation beside a pretty lake. Sadly I was more excited to find a new show on DVD to watch... can't I get away from media for even a sec?!
( READ MORE>> )

[ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE, AND LUCK COULD NEVER BE THIS SHITTY]
No. I know people have a LOT shittier luck than I do. But in MY world, when nature and coincidences tries so hard for me to not enter this animation contest was fascinating. Fascinatingly HORRIBLE.
( READ MORE>> )

[PUBLISHER ISSUES ARE ALWAYS A DRAG WHEN TRYING TO GET A BOOK OUT]
So "The Odd One Out" is getting it's due date pushed back again and this time I'm just self publishing. Why the sudden change? What's my future plans?
( READ MORE>> )

[BRAND NEW HEADER]
This is I think THE most useless bit of news on this entry. If you've seen my journal layout there's a big traffic billboard size customizable header and since summer is kinda over in my head I'm all ready for AUTUMN BABY!! So I know it's a tad too early but here's a Halloween image for the season. Stores already had f-ing CHRISTMAS things up on shelves months ago... I'd say I'm late.


Click to enlarge. Maybe, maybe... *sniff*
But see? I am too happy to go on about gloomy topics. It'll give me more things to write in the future LOL. I'm just happy to be back :D
BTW I had no idea what I should do on the 4th panel. So have some Vince. 

[AT LEAST I WILL TRY WITH ALL MY MIGHT]
Ok, I KNOW it's one of my worst habits to chicken out from contests. I LOVE competition, but something about being official and having prizes just squeeze every drop of coward out of me and forces me to procrastinate to no end, and ending up me not making on the deadline (I'm sure you're all familiar with me not finishing it by the due date) and it's horrible. I could go through an entire haunted house without jumping but I'll curl up my tail and run away from contests, squeaking, from contests that I have great potential winning. It's as freaky as Public Service Announcements and kids. But contests are better. PSA and kids are just coldheartedly horrifying.

BUT there's an animation contest at Aniboom and FOX is backing it up so there's a potential of winning $15K max and boy do I want the prize! Also I've been itching to do animation for a while but commissions/site/comic was preventing me from doing so. I was thinking about doing a Vocaloid music video for Luka's yandere song for my beautiful niconico debut appearance but really anything I can make it move is all awesome! Also the guy who's working with me on the comics and publishing it is entering this too so he gave me approval for postponing The Odd One Out so the universe and the galaxies really want me to work on it! No doubt! And since and since I'll be doing all the character designs, music, sound effects AND the animation I'll be putting almost all of my time on it, or I WISH I can. I know my mom or my boyfriend will find a way to rip me off of my chair and it'll sadden me greatly... or I might compose elsewhere since all I need is Salvatore and a working cursor and headphones... hmmmmmmmmmmm. Plus I still need to find a good deal on voice actors, since I can't pay well and I will be DAMN FUCKING GREEDY with my contest money IF I do win cause I seriously want health insurance.

That'll be the reason I'll be cutting off my internet time. If you don't hear from me, just remember; I'm pouring every sweat, blood, and all other bodily fluids into this project (sorry for the disturbing imagery) but I shall guarantee a great outcome. Plus if I'm not working on the animation I need to work on the Hetalia Fan Book so yea. Wish me luck! Sorry my comic books just pushed yet again!

[VACATION OR JUST WORKING OUTSIDE TOWN]
By the way I'm going on a 1~2 week vacation up north. So expect absolute no updates from me while I'm gone to the abyss of no internet. GASP I KNOW! So I'll be working on sketches for... well... everything. Mainly finishing up the story board for the animation, and The Odd One Out rough. OH and I need to work on site layouts, commissions, fan book sketches so all I have to do is finish it up after the animation is over, making music etc etc... I'll be enjoying at least some break! So see you all in maybe in a week!!

[JANETERIAN MYTHOLOGY]

Once upon a time, maybe in the future, a pacific ocean islander that was birthed and raised at the land far east or west depending on which flat earth-map you're looking at, was lost in her mind land. Her mind land was full of happy things; like surreal colored skies and animals joyfully prancing around the lands, doing what they do best... survival of the fittest. Humans were killed behind bushes, internet memes lived freely without discriminated from reality, and forests of plants she has learned from the encyclopedias.
One fateful day, she ran into a angel apple tree. Angel apples were ink black and poisonous when consumed. It will make any humans mindlessly happy and dull.
"Oh master of thee mind!"
The snake that guarded the angel apple tree spoked to the girl,
"Please spare me from this depressing tree of stupidity! I cannot bare this paralyzing optimism any longer!"
"My my, please do not speak no more," the girl shakes her head, "this is not a democratic society; every existence here is in my control. I simply could not care about your suffering any less."
"You have asked this upon thy self!"
The snake tied it's body to a branch and tore it's own head off. Dark, warm blood gushed out of it's twitching body and after a while it became limp. That's what she said. From one of the pools of blood that was on the tree, a magical thing occurred! A blood red apple blossom bloomed and withered, quickly forming a small fruit. The fruit was an angel apple, but no ordinary angel apple. The fruit started out as bright green, soon yellow and while it was turning red the impatient girl pulled it off of it's branch, when the whole event only took half a minute.
"Mmm what sweet scent you have! And how beautiful those eerie colors are! I shall consume it as my nutritious part of my complete breakfast!"
"OBJECTION!!!"
The apple yelled as it glared at the girl. It had a fancy line of sharp teeth that could pierce through any fresh flesh. Flesh fresh. You can't tell which one was English or Engrish can you.
"I am not going to be eaten by you! I will eat YOU if you tried! Then I shall kill everyone and everything, because destruction is awesome and then I will rule the world just so I can destroy some more!"
The girl was slightly surprised, but she was more amazed at this new idea of ruling the world.
"This, taking over the world idea is awesome! Let's make a deal. I won't eat you, but instead, work by my side and we shall rule the world together... what do you think?"
Rest of the angel apples were confused.
"Why do such horrible thing master? When the world is just full of hope!"
"This society is corrupted! People are procreating without giving any second thought about spoiling the gene pool. The environment is taken for granted. Majority of the doctors only know how to drug the hell out of people instead of investigating and maintenancing the human body. The tube is nulling people's minds into zombies. We care too much about personal wealth that no one can afford to be themselves anymore... I might know a way to fix this! If I can't fix it then this evil apple will be able to conjure up a plan to destroy it so humanity can start over. We can only gain hope by paying our comfort of unchanging lives!"
The evil apple was listening, the first and the last time it'll ever listen to her, and it nodded.
"I guess you DO know what I'm talking about, in a way. So I guess I can follow along."

Thus the long journey of Sires R. Black and the Evil Apple started...

[SIDE NOTE]
Original image: http://www.courtauld.ac.uk/gallery/exhibitions/2007/cranach/adam-eve5.jpg
I love wasting my digital art skills for things like this!

[READ OVER MY PLANS FOR THE NEXT COUPLE WEEKS!]
As I slouch down, leaning heavily on to the large leather office chair that was polished the night before. I let my legs go against, and suddenly surrender to the mighty force of gravity on to the oakwood office desk. The secretary quickly pulled out a silk cloth to gather up the debris that fell from my shoes, or just specks of sand and dirt in common terms, and quickly tossed it in the trash. I took a long, relaxing puff of air cigarette and grinned at the glass walls that revealed the rest of new york city.
"I can't let ANYTHING go wrong!"
Hahaha! Yes, this plan will change the world as we know it, at least, the world I know for sure.
"Now don't let me do anything changes... soon, the world would be MINE!!!!"

[OK, BACK TO REALITY SELF]
Fiiiiiiiiiine I'm REALLY not taking over the world (even though I ponder about it daily) I'm just updating everyone the major plots for this month so you know around when I will be busy or not (mmddyy):

*071109 - Hanging out with my best pals and having a good time
*071209 or 071309 - Leaving for a vacation run-away
*0720~072709 - I'll be back from my vacation between these days sometime
*083009 - Hetalia fan book illustration + mini comic due

and between all that I am going to get The Odd One Out beta-ed and drawn! By the way ONE MORE SLOT OPEN FOR BETA! Remember: free drinks! I'll e-mail/call/facebook the beta people so we can plan where and when we can meet up.

zetsubou_sensei  community for lolz so if you watch this comm. it'll be a repeat.)</div>
[WARNINGS]
* Obviously it's spoiler-tastic.
* No no I don't bash anything, just real personal opinions and sharing some LOL-able moments.
* But do NOT hesitate to comment and discuss here!
* Includes very sketchy doodle pics and/or screencaps. Somewhat image heavy.


( ZSZS EPISODE 1 RANTZ... )